TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE SOLSTICE

(with apologies to Bruce and to the original author,
variously ascribed to Clement Clarke Moore and to Henry Livingston Jr.)

[For the original “Twas the Night before Christmas,” click here.]

Twas the night before Solstice and all through the land,
Not a Walmart was open, no video stand.
The photos were chosen and placed with great care,
In hopes that fans at our web site soon would be there.

The Bruce fans were nestled, all snug in their beds,
While visions of Bruce pics danced in their heads;
And Israfel in her angel wings and I at my craft,
Trying to convince Bruce fans we weren’t quite daft.

When out on the TV there arose such a yammer,
I feared for the worst and barely could stammer.
Away to the TV, I flew in a snit,
Turned down the volume and gathered my wit.

The glow of the screen gave an eerie cast
To strange scenes unfolding, leaving me aghast;
For what to my befuddled brain should be seen
But eight of Bruce’s characters, what could this mean?

With a handsome director so charming and spruce,
I knew in a nanosec, it must be St. Bruce;
More rapid than pledge breaks, his characters they came,
And he chortled and guffawed and called them by name.

Now, BURTON! Now, BAKER! Now HARKER and DOMITIAN!
On YELLOW, on ECHO, on FRANKIE and KELL vicious!
To the end of the video! To the curtain call;
Now fade away, fade away, fade away all!

To Israfel, I cried, you won’t believe this,
On soft wings she fluttered, a sight not to miss.
She gawked and she gasped at the amazing scene;
Bruce characters running rampant, ever so keen.

And so charming Bruce looked, so handsome and smart,
As he drew more videos out of his cart;
More characters they came, Cassius, T.O. and Rane,
We now knew surely that we weren’t quite sane.

The characters so lively, so neat and so cool,
It was all we could do not to sit there and drool.
Winked at us, they did, each and every one,
Whatever this dream, it was way too much fun.

They danced and they danced, around the TV they went,
We watched mesmerized, it was all time well-spent.
As Bruce directed them, we gazed so enthralled,
In scene after scene, each role, it was called.

Bruce’s eyes, how they twinkled, his smile was so cheery,
Of these gorgeous looks, we would never grow weary.
He was dressed in leather from his head to his feet;
No other actor could be such a treat.

When the video was over, we were quite sad,
But of this treat for our eyes, we were so glad.
Then Bruce whistled and, throwing on his jacket,
He hopped on a Harley and tossed us a packet.

Tapes in full color, the selection amazed us,
One Point O and The Brothel, how we did fuss.
Now we knew we were dreaming, this could not be;
But it was fun while it lasted, this we could see.

And we hallucinated him saying
as he sped away with a cough,
“YOU GUYS DRANK WAY TOO MUCH EGGNOG,
KNOCK IT OFF.”